Not Such a Bad Day

I went to see my cousin and her new baby today. If I'm being completely honest, I was dreading it. I know that sounds horrible, but pregnant women and newborns are just hard for me. They just serve as reminders of what I've lost. Especially right now, so soon after my due date. I had knots in my stomach on the way there. I thought I was going to have to pull over and throw up. I was so nervous, because I wasn't sure I would be able to hold it together. (Just for the record, I hate that I felt that way).

Thankfully, it was nowhere near as difficult as I expected it to be. There were a few tears when I first got there, but I blame my cousin for asking me how I was, telling me she'd been reading my blog, and giving me a big hug. Seriously, I'm an emotional wreck these days. Baby E is so sweet and I already love him. I held him for almost 3 hours and I wasn't sad at all. Maybe I'm starting to heal a little. Thinking back now, it stings a little knowing that I should have a baby too, but I'm holding on to hope and trusting that God will give me a baby soon. Holding him, feeding him, and rocking him was so natural. I just don't believe that I was meant to have only one child. I still have so much to give.