I Can't Believe it's Been a Year

A year ago today, we said goodbye to our first angel. I've been trying to prepare myself for today, but honestly you can't really predict how you're going to feel at a given moment. Being on vacation the past few days has been a good distraction for me. On the drive home today, though, I allowed myself to get lost in my thoughts. Sometimes, that can be dangerous. I was remembering where we were a year ago. So excited and blissfully unaware... then our world came crashing down. I remembered the physical pain; the tears; the heartbreak; the devastation; the loss of all of the hopes, dreams, and plans I had for that baby; saying goodbye to the brother or sister (I really felt like it would've been a brother) Piper would never get to meet. I remembered having to "untell" the handful of people we had told about the pregnancy. I remembered Piper asking about the baby in my tummy and having to tell her that the baby went to heaven to be with Jesus. A year later, the hurt is still there. It's gotten easier and some days are better than others, but I know it will never fully go away.

Today, I'm just overwhelmingly sad.