Yesterday

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of losing Kendall. One year since my last pregnancy. One year since there was life growing inside me. One year since there was hope that I might actually get to bring a baby home. One year and still nothing to show for it.

Lately, I've had several people tell me that they admire my strength. That's funny to me, because I don't feel very strong. In fact, most days I feel incredibly weak. I feel like I shouldn't still be hurting this much after all this time. I feel like I should be ready to accept that maybe we're meant to be a family of three. I feel like I should be able to let go of my dreams. I hate that I can't control any of this. I can assure you that any "strength" you may see is nothing more than the grace of God holding me up, because this girl is incredibly broken.