Well...

I'm pregnant again. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Obviously, this is what we want and we're trying to be excited, but there are so many other emotions that come along with it. I hate that I've lost my innocence and can't experience that naive joy anymore. I'm not optimistic, but I'm not pessimistic, either. I'm just loving this baby and trying to enjoy whatever time I get with him/her.

My prayer has been for peace, and God has granted me that. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I have no control, so it's pointless to worry. Best-case scenario- we get to bring a baby home in January. Worst-case- another loss would probably lead to more testing, and more testing could lead to answers. I want this baby more than anything in the world, but I accept God's will in all of this. I'm afraid to get my hopes up, but it's hard not to have hope when there's life growing inside you.

Today, I am pregnant and I love my baby.