Anniversaries are Hard

A year ago today we found out we were pregnant. Never in a million years did I imagine this is where we would be now. Sometimes, I really wish I could go back to that naive place. When I thought pregnancy equaled a baby in my arms. When I could see two pink lines and feel excited instead of terrified. I worry that I'll never really get to experience the joy of pregnancy again. It has been tainted by my losses and my heartache. If When I get pregnant again, I'll never go to the bathroom without checking for blood and I'll be scared by every little cramp, twinge, or weird feeling. I will pray for morning sickness, sore boobs, and heartburn; any little sign or symptom to assure me. My entire view on the experience has changed, and that makes me sad. I loved being pregnant with Piper, and I'm so thankful I was able to have that experience. I have faith that God will bless me with another child. I've never believed that I was only meant to have one. My next (successful) pregnancy may not be as worry-free as my first, but I know I'll be a lot more grateful and I won't take one second for granted.