One night, shortly after our second loss, I was listening to Dr. Charles Stanley on the radio. He was talking about the mountains and valleys we go through in life. It's easy to praise God when we're high on the mountain, but it can be very difficult to praise him during the tough times in the valley. No matter what is going on in our lives, God is still God, and He deserves to be praised. I REALLY needed to hear that message that night.
When you're grieving a loss, what you really want is someone to blame. I've gone through periods of feeling guilty, wondering if I did something wrong, I've blamed my stupid body for not doing what it was made to do, and I've gotten angry at God for taking my babies away. The truth is, I'll probably never understand why this was the path chosen for us, but there really is no one to blame, especially not God. I've learned that God feels our pain. He grieves with us. He doesn't like it when His children are hurting and He can comfort us when no one else can.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. " 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"I will praise You in this storm,
And I will lift my hands.
You are who You are,
No matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried,
You hold in Your hands.
You never left my side,
And though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in this storm."
-Casting Crowns, "Praise You in this Storm"
You can't have mountains without valleys. This past year has seemed like a never-ending valley, but I have faith that my time is coming, and I'll be standing high on the mountain again someday soon.
I sang this song at church a couple weeks after I lost my Aidan. It was very difficult to get through without crying. The whole congregation was in tears.
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