A Balancing Act

Back in April of 2012, I made a promise in this post. Honestly, I'm having a really hard time keeping it. Looking back, I realize that it was probably pretty unfair of me to expect people to "reel in" their joy just because I was in pain. Now that I'm finally getting to experience the joy of a healthy pregnancy, I want to share that joy with everyone. I realize, though, that unfortunately my joy is most likely another's sorrow, so I really do try to keep it at a minimum.

I wish I could say that I hadn't complained at all during this pregnancy, but let's face it, pregnancy is hard. This pregnancy has been way tougher physically than my first, and it's been difficult emotionally too. However, I have refrained from posting any complaints on Facebook, and though I do whine occasionally, I try to make sure I know my audience. I think everyone who knows me knows that I am so incredibly thankful for this pregnancy and these boys.

I've tried to keep any pregnancy-related posting on Facebook at a minimum. Mostly just general updates. "Hey, we're pregnant." "We're having two boys!" That kind of thing. I also promised never to post an ultrasound picture or bump picture on Facebook. I kept that one until today. I had been tagged by a few people in pictures, but I hadn't posted any myself. We had our Maternity pictures made this past weekend, and they turned out so well! I'm so happy with them, and I couldn't refrain from making one of them my profile picture. It's a really great picture of Tim and me, and although my belly isn't the focus of the picture, it's very obvious. I was (and still am) very conflicted about posting it, but I really wanted to share it. I can try my hardest to protect people, but at the end of the day, I'm pregnant and that's going to hurt someone.

Inevitably, I'm going to be a source of pain. I don't like it, but that's the reality. Having been on the other side, I'm more sensitive to it than most, but does that mean I should hide my joy and excitement? I spent a long time walking in sorrow and grief, and I want to experience the joy. I know I can't help being a source of pain, but I pray that others can see me as a source of hope as well. These boys are miracles and a true testimony of what God can do. I feel like I should be sharing that, but what if it hurts someone?

It's just so hard to know the right balance. I want to be excited, but I want to be sensitive to others struggles. I have no idea if I'm managing that well or failing miserably, but I am trying.