At the end of the service, Pastor Nate encouraged us all to take a "truth challenge." Every time we were tempted to lie during the next week we were to write it down on a piece of paper, so we could see how often we really do lie.
Since we're being honest here... I wasn't so great about writing it down, but I was definitely a lot more conscious and aware of exactly what was coming out of my mouth.
I've made several realizations this week. I've found that the lie I tell the most usually comes after someone asks me how I am. It's actually funny, right before the sermon I was telling my friends, Allison and Beth, that I hate it when someone asks, "How are you?" because I feel obligated to say "I'm good" or "I'm fine" when that's really not the case.
Let's face it, when we ask people how they are, we're usually just being polite. We're not genuinely interested in how they're doing. I know people expect me to be "over it" or "all better" by now, so I just give them the answer they want to avoid making them feel uncomfortable. There are some people I can't fool, though. Beth always replies with, "But how are you really?"
Most of the time, the most honest answer I can give is, "I don't know." I know that probably seems strange, but it's the truth. I really just don't know. I've decided that I've been better, but I've also been worse. I'm just okay. That's my normal right now and I'm okay with that. This is a long, hard journey. Some days are really good and some days are really bad. I'm not delusional enough to think all the pain and hurt is just going to magically disappear one day, not even if/when I get my rainbow baby. It will always be there and my losses will always be a part of who I am.
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