The Question I Hate

Today at work, I saw an old acquaintance that I hadn't seen in a couple of years. We were chatting, and of course, she asked me the question I hate the most... "When are you going to have another baby?" I never really know how I should answer. It usually depends on the person, but I feel like I'm doing my angel babies a disservice if I don't mention them. I don't ever want to pretend they never existed. I just feel like I owe them more than that. If it's someone I hardly know, I usually just say something like, "We're working on it" or "Whenever God blesses us with another one." Most people I'm close to know our story and our struggles, but if it's someone I know a little better I usually say that we've been trying for a long time, and I may or may not mention my losses.

Today, I said what I always want to say. " Whenever I can get pregnant and stay that way." I didn't say it in a sarcastic, mean, or nasty way; just with a lot of sadness, but I instantly felt bad about it. It just sounds kind of snippy, and she, of course, had no idea what we were going through. She was very sweet, and told me she would be praying for us. It's just so hard to know how to answer.

Pretty much since Piper was born, people have been asking when we were going to have another one. I hated the question even before our losses. It's so personal, and I don't understand why people think it's acceptable to essentially ask about our sex life. I just don't feel like it's anybody's business. (Now, I realize that my blog is public, but after our losses everyone pretty much assumed we were trying anyway. Plus, I feel like it's important to share our journey and speak openly and honestly about pregnancy loss, and I choose to share the information on here. I'm not answering some nosy person's questions).

Since our losses, that question just plain hurts. It reminds me that we've been trying to give Piper a sibling for almost two years now, and we still have empty arms. It reminds me that I have three precious babies I never got to meet. I don't want to make people feel bad by saying, "We've been trying for a long time, and we've lost three babies." But, at the same time, if you don't want to know, don't ask. (Even if you do want to know, you probably shouldn't ask). You just never know what someone else is going through.