I'm really struggling these days. As we get closer and closer to our first medicated cycle, the less hope I have. I just have this overwhelming sense of dread that this isn't going to work. I have no idea why I feel that way, but I do. I know we'll never know if we don't try, but if we try and this fails... I don't know where that leaves us. That scares me. I'm trying to let go of my fears and plan to deal with whatever comes when it comes, but I just can't seem to find peace.
For as long as I can remember, all I ever wanted was to grow up, get married, and have three or four babies. The only thing I've ever wanted to be is a wife and mom. I don't even know who I am outside of that. I know I've been blessed with a wonderful husband and a precious daughter. I've been told I'm selfish for wanting more. Have you met my awesome kid? How could I not want more? Would you call someone who doesn't have fertility issues selfish for having as many kids as they want?
I know I need to find peace and contentment. I need to find a way to be okay if God doesn't bless us with another baby. But how? It's one thing for me to say it, but how do you truly let go of the only thing you've ever really wanted? I don't have a clue.
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