My Prayer Today

Our pastor's sermons have been beating me up lately. Seriously. I know it's true when even my friends are saying, "He's been talking to you a lot lately." I can't remember the last time I made it through a service without crying. That's not a bad thing. It's definitely what I need to hear right now. I spent one morning last week reading through all of my old blog posts. You can very clearly see the highs and lows of this roller coaster ride. I'm sure it's evident from my most recent posts that I'm in one of the "lows" right now. I've been really struggling, but I think I'm finally beginning to regain some sense of peace and hope.

Pastor Nate is currently doing a teaching series entitled, "He Shall Be Called." The entire series is about one verse:

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Isaiah 9:6

He's been talking about what those names really mean. The one that struck me the most this week is Everlasting Father. The Father of eternity. He doesn't exist in time. Right now, He is in yesterday, He is in today, and He is in tomorrow. He is in last year, next year, five years from now. As Nate said, "There is nothing that ever was that He didn't already know and nothing that ever will be that He has not already been through." That's so incredibly difficult to grasp, but how amazing!

On this day five years ago, I was hugely pregnant with Piper. I was probably walking around the mall trying to make labor start. I was blissfully unaware of what my future held. The possibility of miscarriage had never even crossed my mind. That was something that only happened to other people. Even as He was there with me in that moment, He was already there on this same day two years ago, when I had to say goodbye to my sweet Avery. When we lost a baby that was desperately wanted for the second time in four months. Five years ago, I only saw the joy and anticipation of the arrival of my baby girl. Just like right now, I only see the pain and heartache of what I'm going through in this moment. I don't know what my life will look like a year from now or two years from now, but He does. He's already there.

So, my prayer today is that I would find peace and comfort in knowing that even though it feels like an eternity, this truly is just a moment. And that I would find hope in knowing that He's already in my tomorrow, working out the details.

If you're going through your own difficult time right now, this is my prayer for you also. Please know that this season is just that. He knows your heart, He hears your cries, and He's already working in your tomorrow.

Even though today is a loss anniversary and those are usually so hard, I'm feeling oddly at peace. God has really been speaking to me lately, both through other people and through His word. (Or maybe I'm just now learning to listen.) I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today I feel at peace and full of hope.