Saturday, July 23, 2011
"At least you already have a child."
You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard this the past year. (Along with many other hurtful and insensitive things). I really don't understand why people think that having a child makes this any easier. I know how blessed I am to have my sweet Piper. I thank God every day for the precious gift that she is, but the fact that I have her doesn't make this hurt any less. One child doesn't replace another. My heart will always ache for the babies I never got to hold and the siblings Piper will never get to know.
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I would think already having a child makes it worse because you think "my body did it once, why won't it do it again?". It's odd that women only have 1 heart because we give each child our whole heart. I know I don't have my own child (yet....) but I have a lot of children in my life that each have their own heart. The next time someone says something insensitive come find me!
ReplyDeleteLove you!!!
Thanks Ileen! Love you too!
ReplyDeleteI think the reason most people seem to think this is because those of us who already have children don't have the same hopelessness and fear of never being able to have a child as someone who doesn't. I think that they both have their own unique hurts, but just because it's different doesn't make the pain any more or less.
Whn people say this to me, my response is something like...."and I love my child desrly, but I ache for the ones I've lost. One child can never replace another." If someone's sister had died, we never would say, "well, at least you have one sister still alive" .... As though one person's life could compensate for another person's death. Life ...and death ... Don't work that way.
ReplyDeleteI also find it hard to have my Maddy and not be able to provide a sibling for her. Last night, she asked if we could get rid of our current house and move to a new house. I asked why, and she said she wanted to find a house that had other little kids in it who would live there and be her friends. Broke my heart. Not only do I feel like my body is failing ME, I feel like it is failing all the people i care most about who also want another little one to love.
Btw... Thank you for your blog. It has brought me much validation, and I see that some of our posts are on the same topic. I've been readin though most of it, and I really appreciate you being brave and homest with your story.
That's exactly how I feel. Piper has been asking for a baby sister since about the time we started trying to give her one. In a lot of ways, I want it more for her than I do for myself.
DeleteI've been reading your blog, too. As much as I hate that anyone else has to understand, it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Ps... Sorry for the billion typos. I'm typing from my phone. :)
ReplyDelete