We've finally gotten our insurance updated to a much better plan and I'm free to get the ball rolling with Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL) testing. For some reason, I'm having a hard time picking up the phone and making that call to schedule an appointment. I want another baby more than anything, and I know that testing is the first step. It's seems silly to say that I hope something is wrong, but I hope we are able to find out why we lost our babies. Ideally, it will be something fixable, and we'll have a good plan in place moving forward to avoid another loss.
But what if something is wrong that isn't fixable? I think that's why I haven't made the call. This is what I'm afraid of. Right now I have no answers, but I also have hope. What if they tell me my body will never be able to carry another baby? I'm just not ready to face that possibility. There's no way I could handle that.
This was my devotional one day this week:
"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34, NLT
"At the very root of worry is fear. Fear of the unknowns or what if's can erode away at the security we find in God. Don't let this fear overtake you and allow the worry to creep in your thoughts. Place your confidence in Jesus that he will provide and comfort you. Then pray."
I know that I need to just need to give my worries to God and trust His will in my life. It's just so hard not to be scared. Putting it off won't change the outcome, though, so I really just need to bite the bullet and schedule an appointment. I just hope we get the answers we want.
Ashlee, I know this has been so hard for you and my heart aches for yours in the pain that you've experienced. Let me just say this though. Go ahead and call for the appointment and find out what has caused your RPL. I pray that it will be a simple fix. However should a doctor tell you that your body will never carry another baby again let me just say that I can rattle of a list of names of women right now who've received that diagnosis who have gone on to prove those doctors wrong. You may know some of these women. God is still in the miracle business. I'm praying that God will bless you with as many healthy babies as you want.
ReplyDelete