The Innocence of Children

I think there's a lot to be said for the innocence of children. Piper has said things that make me wonder if maybe she knows something I don't. I think there might be an angel whispering in her ear.

When I was pregnant with the first baby we lost, we had told her that there was a baby in Mommy's tummy and that she was going to be a big sister. She understood as well as a 2 1/2 year old could. A few days after I lost the baby we had this conversation:

Piper: "Is there still a baby in your tummy?"
Me: "No, baby, there isn't."
Piper: "Well, where did HE go?"
Me: "The baby went to heaven to be with Jesus."
Piper: "Oh, okay."

I find it very interesting that she referred to the baby as a "he." Especially since she is insistent that she will have a baby sister. I had very strong feelings that the baby was a boy.

When I got pregnant again, we didn't tell Piper, and we were very careful not to talk about it around her. She had gone with me to get my hair cut one day. Later that day, she asked, "Mommy, did you get your hair cut?" "Yes, baby." Then she said, "Did my sister get her hair cut, too?" With that pregnancy I had very strong feelings it was a girl.

A few months ago, we were watching TV and a commercial came on for an infant toy. Piper says, "Can we get one of those for my baby sister when she comes?" I've learned that there is no arguing with her. She is very insistent that her baby sister is coming. So, I just said, "We'll see." The next commercial was for another infant toy and she asked, "Can we get that for my baby sister, too?" I said, "Piper, how do you know you're going to have a baby sister." She said, with so much conviction that it gave me goosebumps, "Mom, I just know."

That night we had Desire worship at church. This was shortly after my third loss, and before it started I had been talking to my friend, Cara, about my losses and how I was feeling. After worship, I was telling her about what Piper had said that day. She then told me about a vision she had while we were singing of Piper holding a baby and looking down at it. She said that God was telling her she needed to tell me about it, and she didn't want to. Then, I told her the story about Piper, and she knew she had to.

That was a powerful moment for me. I have faith that God will give me another baby. It's just so hard to be patient. I know I'll probably never understand why I lost my babies, but I have to trust God and His perfect timing. That's just so difficult to do. Especially when you want something so badly and it seems to be happening so easily for everyone around you. I know I need to find contentment in my life the way it is, and I'm working on it.